Thursday, 15 January 2015

First star to the right

Peter Pan has long been one of my favourite stories. I own it in many, or three to be precise, forms: the book, the 2003 film, and the Disney version (of course). Out of all three, the 2003 live action version is slowly becoming my most loved, although the book will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I recently got my hands on another copy of the film, having lost the one I owned before, and decided to watch it again today whilst I tidied the mess that I was calling my room. Like usual, I became absorbed in the story, but found myself wondering why I love it so much. 

As exciting as growing up is, I think not wanting to grow up is a feeling many people have. It's a scary business, passing over the bridge between childhood and adulthood, one fraught with rollercoaster emotions and stress. So much stress, from parents, from jobs, from education, stress is basically everywhere. A friend gave me some advice the other day, reminding me that it will probably never get worse than this, which was both comforting and somewhat scary. Peter never has to deal with those worries, and I think that's something that I long for on a daily basis.

This year in particular is a scary one for me, and anyone in their last year of college will probably sympathise with this. This is the year I have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life. 18 years old, and the decisions I make now will still be affecting me when I'm 50, which is terrifying and definitely something I don't want to think about. I think I've made my decisions now. I want to go to Canterbury Christ Church University to study early childhood studies with special educational needs and inclusion studies (I still cannot say that without getting at least one word wrong). This decision has been a pretty tough one to make. Suffice to say, it isn't the path I thought I'd take when I first started college, just under three years ago now. But I still lie in bed, wondering whether the choice I've made is the right one. Honestly, I don't know. I won't know until I get to university, which is just a little terrifying.

But if there's one thing I've learnt over the past two and a bit years, is that it's totally okay not to know what you're doing with your life, because no one knows what they want to do with their lives when they're 18 years old, have an inability to keep on top of work and sleep far more than they should. But it's okay. It is.


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